I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so stinking excited! As many of you know I've been searching like a crazy person for a J-O-B, not such an easy feat for a girl that has been a stay-at-home-mommy. People aren't crazy about hiring someone they think just lounged on the couch all day, never getting out of her pj's. It didn't matter that my kiddo and I get dressed everyday (or nearly everyday, haha), and rarely ever do we sit home, it only mattered that I haven't had a "real" job in such a long time. Great, thanks, I'm so happy to know that staying home with my kiddo was such a crazy thing to do. ;-)
At any rate, none of this matters, one stinking bit. Why doesn't it matter that I can't find a job? It doesn't matter because I've decided that for once I am going to tell everyone telling me I can't do it to shut the heck up and watch me, because not only can I do it, I am going to do it, right now.
I've decided to stop daydreaming about doing photography professionly and just freaking do it, already. It gives me the chance to set my own hours, to do a lot of my work from home, enables me to FOLLOW MY DREAMS, supports my kid, and that doesn't even begin to explain the emotional satisfaction it gives me to finally be doing something that I love, to have finally stopped listening to the voice that's been telling me for so long this isn't a real job, it's a hobby, this isn't a profitable business.
If you're someone that doubts my ability to do this, please, keep reading, keep following my blog, this way I can show you, I can do this and I will do this. I will be very successful, I will work my butt off and will make my photography business into a something real, not just a dream.
I have a plan, a real business plan, I have goals, and I've taken action on every single one of those things.
I can't wait for tomorrow, tomorrow is beginning of new and great things for us. It feels so great to be in control of my life, to know that there won't be anyone standing in our way anymore and that this Mommy is about to do great things. I remember posting something I read a while back on facebook about how as parents we need to take care of ourselves and follow our own dreams if we expect our kids to do the same thing and it feels great to know that I am finally setting an example for my son I would be proud of him for following.
This is all for you, Munchkin. I love you to the moon and hope that when you're older you do everything ever dreamed of doing.
For a moment I freaked, I thought maybe I've completely overshared with you all about the things going on in our lives, that maybe all of the things I'm putting out there for anyone and everyone to read are way to personal......and then I was asked why I stopped writing and told that this person liked reading my blog and knowing what was going on with Pey and myself. So, on that note, it's about to get really personal here! ;-)
Most recently we went north for the weekend, to my Grandparents house, Papa turned 70!
We spent a wonderful weekend with bonfires, marshmallow's, food fights, catching up and being together. It wasn't just that I went there and was with these people that I love so dearly, it was that if my husband and I were still together, I know I wouldn't have gone. I would have stayed home and missed out on my kiddo playing with his cousins, I would have missed hanging out with mine and reaffirming that life long bond we created when we were muchkins. That part was for you, Nonnie. We would have gone on with the normal things we do in life and missed out on a really good time with people we love, so much. I forgot, really forgot, how much these people all mean to me and how much my kid and I mean to them.
I've stopped looking for reasons to call my husband and started looking for reasons not to call him. If something comes up, I deal with it, without him knowing, giving me his opinion, judging mine, without having to listen to him tell me how that's wrong and I should do it this way or that way.
I miss him with so much of me still, but I've learned how to cope with missing him, with being sad over the way things have changed and learning to have new dreams and hopes. It isn't as hard now that I've shut him out of my life. If he texts, I give the very, very, very basic response, let him know Pey is fine, anything else just gets ignored.
It's like learning to breathe in water and I'm finally breathing, I've finally stopped drowning and started living. I can feel my feet beginning to touch solid ground, I can feel that our world has stopped spinning so fast.
I know we will still have bad days, we both miss him a ton, but I also know without a doubt that we have the strength to walk away now. I found my strength with my family this weekend, I found the courage I needed to say this is so scary but....there's been enough bad, and I can do this one day at a time.
On a much brighter note, this weekend Pey said "Love you!" for the very first time. Rusty was leaving and saying bye to everyone....I think.....and when he said love you, Pey said "Love you." SOOOOOOOOOOO ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This kid melts my heart every single day. Being his Mommy makes my life a million times better. OHHHH, I almost forgot, another first for my munchkin was when we were sitting at the bonfire Saturday night and he saw the frog that he began chasing and finally caught up to and reached down and started petting the stupid thing like it was a dog.
